The torn feeling of wanting to break the bubble and fly with the feeling of wanting to curl up and hide. What changed in me to bring on the fear when fear never had a place in my life before.
I know i am not weak yet why do i feel that way, I have everything i have ever wanted yet i am a prisoner of my past which i survived.
I have always said i would not change the past because of what i have today so why is it haunting me now..........................
After writing this and reading it over the next few days i realize that i lived in terror in the past but to survive i bottled up all my emotions and never let them surface that is how i survived the abuse the mind games the torment. Now i have a wonderful husband and family i am allowing emotions to surface so one by one i have to rid myself of the past and let it go .
I hear you Amanda and I relate to what you are saying. I used to think that what I went through as a child must have been for some purpose, to make me who I am. I realized through therapy that it was another way to minimize what happened to me, so I wouldn't feel so broken. I also realized the truth was I was a good person before anything bad happened to me, and I know the same is true for you...you have always been who you are, and I am grateful to know you :)
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